


Relief

by Tea1810



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: Angst and Feels, Angst and Tragedy, Gay Sex, Graphic Description, M/M, Suicide, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 18:50:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13507641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tea1810/pseuds/Tea1810
Summary: Because I like to cause myself all kinds of pain, so sorry for all the angst. I just write angst easily. This is just my idea of what is going on in poor Kier's head before he kills himself. If suicide or self harm is a trigger for you, don't read this. I wouldn't want to cause anyone any mental anguish.





	Relief

**Author's Note:**

> As mentioned in the summary if suicide or self harm is a trigger for you don't read this fic, it is quite graphic near the end.

* * *

Kieren ran through the trees, his body swaying as he ran. He scurried into the den, tears burning, blurring his vision. Anger coursing through his veins, his body heavy the anger crushing him with its ferocity. His mind was blank, everything was wrong, felt wrong. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Rick, his Rick wasn’t supposed to leave him they were going to get out of here, they were going to leave Roarton together.

He knew it was his fault, if it hadn’t been for him, maybe Bill Macy wouldn’t of pressured Rick to join the army and he … and he wouldn’t of been anywhere near that IED. He wouldn’t be, he wouldn’t be dead. Just admitting it, made his head spin, the reality of it sobering.

He collapsed into the cushion that they kept in the den, his head whacking against the wall in the process a loud cry escaped him, the frustration finally releasing itself. “SHIT!” he screamed  
  
He rubbed the back of his head, trying to ease the pain.

The pain he knew wouldn't go away, it felt like his whole body, the nerves, were on fire, yet most terrifying his mind felt numb. Nothing felt as it should, he thought there would be more yelling and sobbing and tears but he felt like he was watching what was happening from a bubble, like his head was under water and he could hear the muffled world above him. Like he was a puppet and someone else had control of the strings. His body no longer his own to control.

It had been a week since he lost Rick, he hadn’t been here since. While Rick had been deployed Kieren had seldom come here it felt to depressing to lonely being here without him.  
  
He remembered the day clearly, Janet Macy came to the door, he had just gotten his letter from the art school saying he had been accepted in, he was so excited to tell Rick in his letters even if he hadn’t answered them since he had left.  
  
There had been a knock on his door, it was about two o’clock and it had been very windy that day. And when Kieren had answered the door, there she was, Janet Macy. Dressed in black, tears in her eyes. When she saw it was him she whimpered a little, Kieren instantly paled, his heart dropping into his stomach. “I am so sorry Kieren,’ she whispered

“Is he hurt? Is he ok?” Kieren questioned

His voice erratic, panic setting in, deep down he knew the answer but he had to hear it for himself. From her. “He’s gone.” She cried “I’m sorry Kieren, I got to go... I can’t.”

She rushed off her sobs growing stronger and louder as she walked away. His dad found him in that same spot an hour after she left, “Kier! Whats wrong son?” his dad asked softly

“He’s dead, dad.” Kieren croaked  
  
Steve took him inside and gave him a cup of tea and no more was said. And what confused Kieren even more was that he made it the whole night and no tears where shed. His family kept a close eye on him the first week not really letting him be alone.  
  
But they started to let up thinking all was ok, that he wasn’t going to do anything reckless. And when the smothering stopped Kieren’s head cleared, he needed to get away from them clear his head, he needed to be in the den, where they had gone. He told Jem he was going to the shops to get a drink. He put on his coat, grabbing a picture of him and Rick and left.

And now he was at the den, everything seemed to hit him, all the realisations. Like he wouldn’t see Rick’s face, knowing he wouldn’t hear his infectious laugh again and knowing that he wouldn’t feel Rick’s lips on his ever again. His sobs finally came crashing in like a tidal wave, echoing around the den the sounds bouncing off the walls.  
  
When he had walked out of the house he had shoved the picture into his pocket so Jem wouldn’t see it and get suspicious. Pulling the picture out now something fell with a thud to the ground. Looking down he saw the Swiss army knife his dad gave him for his birthday, with its red handle and glistening blade. Opening up the blade in the candle light it shined in his eyes, luring him, tempting him.  
  
The thought wouldn’t leave his head like a bad stain. What if he did it? What if he ended it here and now? He touched the stone behind him RICK + REN 4EVER. That was their promise to each other. And honestly would anyone really miss him? Sure his family would miss him for a while but everyone else hated him in this god forsaken town.

His body was shaking, not scared about what he was going to do, but with the force of wanting to do it. He didn’t realise how much his body had been aching for this, for release.

He held the knife in his hand, twisting it in his fingers inspecting the blade. He looked to the entrance of the cave a paranoid part of him checking no one was to act as witness, it was still light outside no one would look for him, not yet anyway.

He looked down at the picture of him and Rick tear drops fell onto the picture, his fingers stroked Rick’s face, “I’m so sorry Rick!” he cried

His lip trembled, the picture shaking in his hold, before it finally fell to the ground. His mind felt lighter knowing that he was going to do it, craving for the ache to go away.

Taking off his coat, he rolled his sleeves up. Blade in his hand once again. The weight of it comforting in his hold.

This was it, no more regrets, no more despair, no more missing Rick. “Goodbye Rick.” He whispered a sad smile on his face.

He dragged the blade up his arm, harshly and deep, blood instantly spurting out of his arm, he knew he needed to work quick. He barely heard his grunts as the pain flared.

He quickly sliced the blade up his arm before he lost feeling in the other. He slumped against the cave wall.

His felt dizzy and his world started to blur round the edges, he could barely see the blood going everywhere.

Yet he felt the calmest he had since Rick died, relief washing over him.

He couldn’t see now, closing his eyes now, the smile still on his face.

He took his last breath.

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading.


End file.
